


Vali(Date) Me

by PetalsToFish



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hogwarts Astronomy Tower, Mutual Pining, Short & Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, jily, punny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25302064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetalsToFish/pseuds/PetalsToFish
Summary: Jealousy is a wicked thing, especially when Lily realizes she fancies her best friend just one minute too late...
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 21
Kudos: 118





	Vali(Date) Me

"Are you actually, properly mad at me?" he asked, "or am I just daft?"

Lily Evans winced when James Potter asked her the question. They'd both snuck away from dinner. She'd been trying to figure out how to tell him what was going on in her head—only for James to jump right into it all without a second to spare. She should've expected that, really, given his history.

"I'm not mad at you." She said irritably, not convincing him in the slightest that she was okay.

"You sure?" He quipped, "you've been a bit testy."

"Have not!" If she were standing, she would've stomped her foot like a child.

James glared at her knowingly, "You turned my hair hot pink."

Lily sheepishly picked at the lint on her skirt, "you were being a prick."

"All I did was tell you that you looked tired!"

"You said I looked like Moaning Myrtle."

"I only meant that you looked pale," he ruffled his hair in annoyance, "not that you look like her twin or anything. You're much prettier!"

Lily froze when he called her pretty.

Okay, so Lily had overreacted, but it was only because it was James' fault that she was so tired in the first place. She'd been up almost every night, trying to come to grips with her self-revelation. She was so mad at herself for not realizing she had feelings for James until after she saw him swapping spit with a Ravenclaw at a party.

Life was really ironic like that.

James sat down beside her, irritably swiping around one of the bottles of butterbeer like an angry cat. Lily stared at him through her lashes, momentarily distracted by his tongue farting across his lips. Lily dropped her eyes and stared at her hands.

"Come on Lily," his voice softened, "tell me what's wrong."

She wiped her sleeve on her cheek, "nothing."

James shook his head, "it's something, you've been upset all week and I can't help but feel it's my fault."

Lily's eyes flickered up nervously, only to find James staring avidly at her over the rima of his glasses. Slowly, his hands lowered to the ground between them. She could still see the stains of ink on his tan trousers from class and she had to stuff back a charmed smile.

He never could keep ink on a quill. It was a tiny, intimate detail she knew about him. She knew a lot of little things about him, things only someone special in his life could know. Lily had to tell James the truth. He deserved to know why she'd been acting like a fool around him.

"I think I'm sad because I realized you probably don't fancy me."

James seemed in no way moved by her declaration of pining. He didn't even look close to kissing her senseless. She would've preferred that kind of reaction from James. He was prone to intense emotionally driven reactions. The fact that he was so quiet was actually a little unnerving.

Still, Lily couldn't blame James, because up until two weeks ago she'd only seen him as a friend. Now, she was infatuated by the idea that he could be something else...

If he'd only validate her feelings.

If only there was mutual pining.

Lily tilted her head at James and he nervously wiggled in his cross legged position. She adored the way the darkness grazed his high cheekbones. She loved that his hair was wound into thick curls that bounded around his head when he laughed.

He wasn't laughing when he deduced, "You're mad at me, because I don't fancy you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

She felt like she was falling to the ground, hurtling in a way that would break more than her heart. Their conversation could go either way. She was in-between falling in love and falling apart. It was up to James to determine the destination her heart would land at.

"I want you too."

He just blinked at her owlishly, "you want me to fancy you?"

And there it was, the question she couldn't quite answer herself. In seven years of knowing James Potter she'd never wanted anything but friendship from him. In fact, she expected his friendship like the sun expected the moon at the end of the day. She appreciated his playful quips at the breakfast table. She looked forward to their chess nights on rounds. She even found herself liking when he walked alongside her in the halls, his hand barely grazing hers while they shared a bag of peppermints...

"I don't know," the words tumbled out and James looked disappointed. Lily quickly hurried through another monologue, "I don't know why I got so mad and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. I asked you up here tonight to apologize. I don't know why I've done anything as of late—all I know is—all I know—" Her eyes flickered away from James to stare at the stars through the window of the astronomy tower.

James leaned into her space, "all you know is what, Lily?"

Was it her imagination, or did James inch his hand closer to hers? She felt dizzy, almost like she'd spun in circles hundreds of times before stoping on a point, and that point was James.

She dragged her desolate gaze back to James' face, "all I know is that I get lonely."

He kept his gaze steady. "I guess we're all a little lonely, these days, what with the war and NEWTs."

"Yeah." she dragged out a sigh as she curled her knees to her chest in a form of vulnerability "But I only feel this why when you aren't around."

He stayed quiet, focused on the curve of her shoulders as he thought about what she'd just confessed.

It hasn't used to be so confusing.

Them.

Him.

Everything.

Once upon a time, James Potter had simply been one of her friends. One of her very best friends. Lily had grown used to his tall shadow next to hers in the courtyard. She'd taken his smooth laugh, that seemed to bubble up from his toes, for granted. They were 'Potter and Evans' to their friends, always teaming up to make people laugh. Lily couldn't imagine Hogwarts without James at her side.

Then, one day, he was kissing Anna Faith at a party in the Hufflepuff common room. Lily still remembered the rush of disappointment in her gut when she saw him under the mistletoe wrapped in Anna's skinny arms. She recalled that her heartbeat seemed to stop as she watched another witch snog her best friend. Lily still felt the sweeping wave of loneliness that had crept into her brain when she realized she wanted to be in Anna's place.

James was still quiet beside her. Lily waited for James to tell her that she was out of bounds. She waited for him to break her heart by pushing her back into her headspace. She waited for him to say they were just friends.

Instead, he just didn't say anything. James was staring at her with a stupid expression, as if she'd caught him in the middle of abother snog with Anna. Not that he knew about her jealousy over Anna. She hadn't exsactly told James why she was acting so strange.

"Say something, please." She begged James after five whole minutes of terrible silence, "I need you to say something."

James' hazel eyes were so wide that he looked like a deer, frozen in the middle of a meadow after spotting a predator. The little light from the moonlight kept shadows dancing across his handsome face. He visibly swallowed, as if talking was physically killing him.

"You're beautiful."

Like the first flower blooming in the spring, Lily raised her head. James scooted closer, his knees knocking hers. She sucked in air as she stared at the planes of his face, so young but so old at the same time. Both a man and a boy, with humor and sincerity in his gaze.

"That's it?" She murmured, waiting for the floor to go crashing through.

James' eyebrow flickered up, "what?"

"You think I'm beautiful?"

James tilted his head again, "are you fishing for compliments?"

Lily, ever impatient, rolled her eyes, "I know I'm pretty, James, I just also know that I'm not your usual type when it comes to witches."

"My type?" James was flabbergasted by her, his eyes huge behind his square glasses.

"Smart, popular..." Lily listed coyly, "big personality...bigger tits."

His grin was wicked, "Who says you don't have those excellent qualities?"

"James," Lily deadpanned, "this isn't a joke."

"It's not a joke," James scratched his chin as he considered her, "What do you want from me? Validation?"

" _Validation_?"

"Why tell me that you want to be in love with me?"

She flushed red, "I don't know."

"You don't know," he repeated, "but certainly you want to know if I feel the same way?"

Lily gave James a nervous shrug, trying and failing to appear nonchalant, "depends on the answer."

"What if I were to say no?"

 _My heart would break._ Lily thought to herself. Instead she told him, "I didn't think you'd say yes."

James pulled his lips into a dangerous half-smile, "my answer might surprise you."

She shot him a look, "can you get on with it, then?"

He bristled at her bitter tone, "on with what, exactly?"

"Saying you don't want to date me."

James' eye roll was the mirror of her own, "I'm not turning you down, Lily."

She lost her cool. Suddenly, she was burning from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. James saw her shift from bristled to confused and he had the audacity to chuckle. He moved to cup her cheek. His fingers were cool against her burning skin.

"Why right now?" He asked quietly.

Why.

He wanted to know why.

Lily slowly crumbled under his sturdy stare.

"You don't exactly pick a time and place to realize this sort of thing." she managed to talk but her voice sounded like she'd screamed herself hoarse.

"You're right, but something had to have set you off," He countered back, always good at sparring with her intellectually, "something must've made you realize this."

Lily dropped her eyes to stare at his wrist as she admitted, "I'm not—you're just—I just know you deserve the best, James."

"You deserve the best too, Lily." He searched her face for the answers to his hundreds of questions but he only asked one question out loud, "but why me? We've known each other for seven years but you never once expressed interest...until now."

She swallowed, "you sort of snuck up on me, if I'm being honest."

Lines grew on James' forehead, "when did you realize you fancied me?"

"Is it really that important?" She wiggled in her spot, "I don't know. I just decided it."

"When, Lily?" His fingers curved in on her cheek, pulling her closer, "tell me when."

She broke down under his touch and confessed miserably, "I saw you snogging Anna Faith at June Marks birthday two weeks ago."

"So?"

"So, I decided I didn't want you snogging Anna." her voice split again, "I wanted you snogging me instead."

He dropped his hand and glared at the floor, "so, you only decided to fancy me because I was snogging another witch?"

She snapped, "is that so wrong?"

James frowned deeper, "I wish you'd realized it sooner."

She relaxed as she admitted, "Me too."

Lily felt his hand slipping away so she took one of his hands and pressed it to her cheek. James' focus remained on the bottles between them.

"Are _you_ mad at _me_ now?" She asked, pouting her lower lip at the thought.

James clenched his jaw and his hand was stone in her grasp. Lily licked her lips, screaming at him in her mind. Willing him to look at her. James continued staring at the bottles but he did finally speak.

"I noticed you were short with me the last two weeks," he murmured, "and I thought you looked like you'd been crying the night after the party but I didn't think it was because you fancied me. I never in a hundred years would have believed you would get jealous like that."

Lily dropped his hand and buried her face in her hands, embarrassed when he spoke of her emotional turmoil with such a monotonous voice. Lily wiped her fingers across her eyes.

"It sounds stupid," she lamented, "I know—I just got so sad when you forgot we were supposed to go flying!"

"I told you," he said weakly, "I was meeting with McManus about Quidditch plays."

She nodded, "But then you were snogging Faith that night and I just hated her. I actually wanted to hit her with a stunner, I was so mad."

"Why?" James chuckled, "it was just a kiss, Evans, not a declaration of love."

"I know," she cried miserably, "but I still got jealous."

"Jealous?" James said, "Of Anna Faith? She'd snog a hinkypunk if it fed her a compliment."

"I was afraid I was losing you!"

"You weren't losing me." James grabbed at her hand and tugged it, "I just was—I don't know—Faith wanted a quick snog and I didn't think you wanted to have a go under any mistletoe since you turned me down the day before."

Lily winced as she remembered their playful banter on rounds. She'd teased him and he'd flirted. It was the way they functioned as friends. She still hadn't realized the butterflies in her stomach were romantic so she'd turned down his kiss, settling for a sweet peck on the cheek.

Now she wished she'd gone for a full-out snog.

Lily told James, "I thought you were joking when you said you wanted a snog under the mistletoe."

He replied, "I asked you, because I wanted to kiss you! But then you turned me down, kissed my cheek and I figured that was it. I thought you didn't fancy me."

Now it was Lily's turn to be taken aback, "you—you were trying to figure out if I fancied you?"

James pulled at his tie around his neck nervously, "I wanted to see if maybe, you liked me as more than a friend."

Lily frowned, "I told you James, I saw you snogging Anna at that party and it hit me like a stunner in the chest."

His eyes traced back and forth across her face in the darkness, "What hit you?"

Lily looked through her fingers to catch him staring at her with a new look. A look of fierce determination. She sucked in a breath.

"It hit me how lonely I am when you aren't with me." She said, "it hit me that being your friend won't ever be enough for me. I fancy you."

James suddenly rushed in, pulling her hands into his. When his lips attatched to her, all of Lily's fears disappeared. His kiss was the validation she'd been seeking from him. Lily's fingers twisted into his while they kissed. She felt as if there were fireworks going off all around them. James pulled away moments later, pressing his nose to hers lightly. Lily smiled as a new warmth spread through her body in response to his kiss.

Still, she had to ask, "was that kiss because of the things I just said? Or because you fancy me too?"

"Fun story," He pressed his forehead to hers gently, carefully, "I've actually fancied you since we were fifteen years old."

Lily yanked away from him, startled, only to find James grinning at her like a loon, "Fifteen?" She echoed, "you've fancied me since we were _fifteen_?"

"All the feelings that you've been feeling the last two weeks are how _I've_ been feeling for two years."

Two years. He'd fancied her for two years and never once shown it. He certainly never turned her hair pink for snogging another bloke. In fact, James has just been the one constant through the ups and downs of teenage love. He was always there as a shoulder to lean on and Lily was now realizing just how much he had truly suffered.

She'd barely made it two weeks pining for him in her daydreams and kissing him in her wildest dreams. She'd gotten jealous. She'd yelled and cried and pouted, all because he'd kissed one girl in front of her. He'd waited two years in the hopes she might come to see him as more than just her friend. He'd been at her side for every break up. He'd always had a smile for her after every kiss that wasn't his. He fancied her despite it all.

"How do you not hate me?" She asked.

"I can't hate you," he chuckled and grabbed her cheeks with both hands, "you're infuriating but hilarious. Maddening yet still adorable. Kind to your very core. A little crazy for your cat and most definitely the prettiest witch in the school. I felt lucky even being considered your friend."

She murmured, "I wasn't fishing for compliments."

"I've had two years to think about all the things I wanted to say if you ever fancied me back." He winked, "get used to compliments."

She pressed her forehead against his again, "I like the compliments."

"Yeah?"

"A little validation from a cute boy never hurts." She scoffed and ran her fingers along the soft hair on his scalp, "And also, I'm sorry for turning your hair pink."

He laughed, "I actually kind of liked it."

She grinned, "is that why you kept it pink until dinner?"

"Of course." James pinched her, "I didn't want to undo your clever charm right away."

"How thoughtful." she hummed thankfully when he kissed her again.

He added when he leaned away from her mouth, "I wished I'd snogged someone in front of you sooner."

Lily's giggled "I can't believe you've fancied me for so long."

James pulled on a strand of her hair, "Are you actually, properly _still_ mad at me?"

Lily beamed when James asked her the same question that he'd started the confessions with. The night had certainly taken a turn for the best. She couldn't believe that James was hers, all hers, and had been since before she even knew it was possible.

"I'm not mad at you." She said, convincing him with a kiss that didn't end until much, much later.


End file.
